Why women should never take men shopping

[southernbassguy]

WHY WOMEN SHOULD
NEVER TAKE MEN SHOPPING

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on
her trips to Target. I dislike shopping and she loves to
browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following
letter from our local Target.

Dear Mrs. Johnson,

We cannot tolerate the commotion your husband has caused in
our store over the past six months. We have been
forced to ban both of you from the premises. Our
surveillance cameras document the following list of
complaints against your husband:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly
put them in other people's carts when they weren't
looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in house wares
to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7:
He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in
an official voice, 'Code 3 in house wares. Get on it
right away. This caused the employee to leave her assigned
station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in
turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to
lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to
put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR'
sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping
department and told the children shoppers he'd invite
them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the
bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help
him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you
people just leave me alone?'
EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security
camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants
were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously
while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible'
theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced
his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of
funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when
people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the
loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed
'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the
door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey!
There's no toilet paper in here.' One of
the clerks passed out. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comfficeffice" /><o></o>
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