Prelude: As I had problems with the trailer lights on my trip to ABA Nationals. I worked on’em prior to leaving. I replaced one amber side light and spliced a wire I cut trying to get my cruise control working again. After doing this work I lugged an old trolling motor battery over to the trailer, made the necessary connections and tested driving lights and stop lights – everything functioned as it should. Then really, really not wanting any problems I backed the truck up to the trailer and hooked up the wiring. Flip the lights on…. Yup all driving lights are a go. Hit the emergency flashers…. Yup… good to go here too. Set the clock for 3:45am with a planned departure of 4:30am – 0430 for you military types. Hopped in the sack.
I don’t know what song was playin’ when the clock radio went to blaring but I knew for sure I didn’t like it. SLAM…. Stumble to the kitchen… make coffee n’ get it perkin’ – or drippin’ or whatever it does. Stumble back to the bedroom have fight with jeans trying to get them on. Shirt saw what happened to the jeans and it went on peacefully. Back to the kitchen…. Coffee. Things are beginning to make sense now. I’m up early cause I gotta drive to Mobile, AL. to swap boats.
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Do the morning things, lock up the house n’ garage, climb in the F150 and crank it. Started to drop it into drive then remembered I’d left my travel mug on the kitchen counter. Kill the engine go back n’ get mug crank the engine… think… think… think…. Na’ ain’t forgettin’ nothin’. Drop it in drive n’ start pulling out… dang… too close to the house… back up… pull forward… backup… pull forward… Whew… at least it’ll clear without rippin’ off a fender or rippin’ out bricks. Buckle up n’ head for the street. Check trailer to make sure it’ll clear the mail box – no trailer lights. Brake lights work but it’s 0’dark thirty – gotta have them driving lights! DAY’UM!(or however y’all spell it). Back it back in… too close to the fence… pull it out… cut wheel – back it in…. Too close to the house… pull it out…. Finally get it situated. Checked trailer wiring… looks good. Checked power at truck plug – none. DA’YUM. Pull kick panel on right side…. Tells me nothing. Get owners manual…. AHHHH Hahhhh…. Fuse F10 – 20amp trailer lights. Checked fuse F10 with test light – blown.
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Lug old trolling motor battery back to trailer…. Get 20 amp fuse hook up test leads to either side hook’em to trailer connecton. Lights on trailer work - no blown fuse. Double DA’YUM. Break out multi-meter, set to Ohm mode… locate ground on 7 pin plug of a 7pin/4pin flat adapter. Go all tha’ way around the plug….. no continuity…. meaning no short… DA’YUM…. Oh…wait… there’s one lug left… the center one – for the reverse light. Test…DA’YUM….DA’YUM…DA’YUM… shorted. Been using this plug for going on 16 years and it chose this time 4:30 am on this date 10/13/2009 to show it’s azz. OK… my F150 has both a 7pin and a 4pin on the hook up. That problem is solved – chunk a jumper in the truck in case I need to back up.
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I have more fuses than Auto Zone but – I don’t have any of those li’l SOB’s they use now. DA’YUM….. Don’t wanna risk driving to the local gas station(that locks it’s doors early in the morning and does business through a prison window). Think…. Think… think…. Ahhhh…. Check owners manual for a 20amp fuse connecting something I can do without…. After several “no’s” Ureka! One single function controlled by a 20amp fuse – the horn! Heck I’ll holler if I need to. Swap fuses… Check lights…. All is good…. Let’s get this show on the road! Time: 5:37am
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Interstate 10 or I-10, I discovered, is under construction from my driveway to somewhere in Western Europe. No matter gotta do what I gotta do.
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On the road haulin’ azz trying to make up for the lost hour diddlin’ with the lights. I’m running about 80mph closing fast on two tractor trailers following each other in the right hand lane. I will refer to them as Rig A and Rig B. Rig A appears to be doing 55mph. Rig B appears to be doing 55.1mph. As I close to within about 30’ of Rig B’s trailer… He decides he’s gonna pass Rig A. “Blink’ one half a blinker signal and he’s in my lane…. WHoaaaaa…
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Question: How far does it take Rig B doing 55.1mph to pass Rig A doing 55mph? Correct answer: About 12 miles @ 55.1mph. Grrrrrr….
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I endure and finally I see Rig B signal he’s moving back into the right hand lane. Timing is everything! Just as soon as I see the cab of Rig B begin to head to the right hand lane… Hammer down! Outta over drive and into passing gear…. Li’l 4.6v8 screeming. All right…. East bound n’ down… trucking like nobodies business now. Just as Rig B gets fully into the right lane – I’m there… but I ain’t gonna be there long – I’m haulin’ azz. Just as I get approximately ½ the way past the trailer of Rig B I see the orange sign…
“ROAD WORK NEXT 60 Miles.
Left Lane ends – 12 feet
<O></O>
Anti-locks hammerin’… trailer tires belchin’ blue smoke… I calmly swing in…. behind Rig A. As the sound of the anti-locks dissipates from the cabin and the cloud of blue smoke fades from sight in my rearview mirror…. I choose to use the time contemplating: Life in general…. What the parents that let their kids spend the night at Michael Jackson’s house were thinking and a slew of other things…. Had plenty of time ya’ know!
I’ve been on the road now about 2 hrs.
Question: How can the human body turn one cup of coffee into 3 cups of pizz in two hours?
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I gotta go! Not only that but I ate a huge steak shortly before going to bed. Whatever the body couldn’t use wants out – NOW! I drive until I can’t. Take an exit I “thought” I knew. Wasn’t the right one. But it’d do. Pull into a Petro Fuel… Truck stop. Grab my travel mug… get half way to the door and remember I’d forgotten my wallet. Walked, as best I could considering the circumstances, back to the truck n’ grabbed the wallet. Locked the truck n’ headed back to the store…. By now nature ain’t callin’ it’s screeming. I barely hear the guy that passes by me say “Coffee is free!” I dash inside… quick glance… see no rest rooms…. They’re outside – I think. Scrambling outside I make a quick, though awkward trip around the outside – NO REST ROOMS. OK… now ya’ gotta understand…. By now I got pizz runnin’ down my leg. I got my azz seqinched up such that I could trim the ends off’a 5/8” Re-bar… I gotta go – NOW! Back inside…. OH! There they are. Do what needs doin’… grab free cup of coffee… back on the road. 2hrs n’ 3 cups later… stopping again.
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Things you may not know about I-10: There is a 4 state association, Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama. They created a brochure titled “Welcome to I-10”. I will not verbatim the entire brochure but I will quote some of the more interesting topics.
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Welcome to I-10
“… As you travel east on I-10 in the predawn hours we ask to note the absence of traffic – and the abundance of various: Police, Sherriff, and State Troopers strategically located on the shoulders, over hills, and behind trees – to name a few. Do not be concerned. These folks are here to protect you and… enrich their various cities, towns, municipalities’, counties and the state in which each is located.”
<O
As you continue to travel east you will be greeted with a simply awesome sunrise. One sure to amaze you and - cause horrific retina burns to both eyes.
<O
“We think driving should be fun!” And with that in mind we have placed concrete barriers along I-10 at various locations. These barriers are placed 6” or less from the 70mph travel lane. Sometimes we install them on both the inside and outside lane at the same time. If you have had the opportunity to experience these we’d love to hear from you – Weren’t they thrilling. We’ve received a overflowing response from many travelers especially those pulling boat and the various assorted trailers you see on the road these days. “
“Driving should not be boring!” We believe that with a passion! This is why we have decorated full length of I-10 with various and assorted Orange: cones, barrels, and signs. If you pay strict attention to the cone and barrel family soon you’ll begin to notice the many variations within each species. We have some cones and barrels with reflective tape – some without the tape. Some are placed along the side of I-10, some are in the middle of the road and some are place for no other reason than to brighten up what could be an otherwise dreary drive. AND….. these are not ordinary cones and barrels either. They are imported from exotic places such as China and Taiwan – Isn’t that exciting?
<O
This section would not be complete without mentioning the signs. If you’ve seen them didn’t you just love’em? Some signs are readable - some are not. Have you encountered our “Left lane ends – 12 feet” sign yet? If you have…. Weren’t you thrilled by the experience? That was developed by one of our senior engineers – He got an award and a few days off for that one. But he was topped in the category of “exciting signs” by our chief senior engineer(that’s why they pay him the big bucks!) He chose to end a lane with no sign at all! I ask you – How cool is that?”
<O
“After your journey east bound is complete – it’s time to head home. You will discover many opportunities to reverse direction on I-10 – except when you need to. As you are now traveling west bound on I-10 you will see many of the similar attraction as before but from a totally different direction! One thing you could not see while traveling east bound on I-10 early in the morning is the simply stunning sunset you will be afforded traveling west bound in the evening. One of the, and very likely last, dazzling solar displays you'll ever see is sure to stop you cold in your tracks - as you realize the sunset has just consumed the last functioning cells in both of your retinas!”
I don’t know what song was playin’ when the clock radio went to blaring but I knew for sure I didn’t like it. SLAM…. Stumble to the kitchen… make coffee n’ get it perkin’ – or drippin’ or whatever it does. Stumble back to the bedroom have fight with jeans trying to get them on. Shirt saw what happened to the jeans and it went on peacefully. Back to the kitchen…. Coffee. Things are beginning to make sense now. I’m up early cause I gotta drive to Mobile, AL. to swap boats.
<O
></O>Do the morning things, lock up the house n’ garage, climb in the F150 and crank it. Started to drop it into drive then remembered I’d left my travel mug on the kitchen counter. Kill the engine go back n’ get mug crank the engine… think… think… think…. Na’ ain’t forgettin’ nothin’. Drop it in drive n’ start pulling out… dang… too close to the house… back up… pull forward… backup… pull forward… Whew… at least it’ll clear without rippin’ off a fender or rippin’ out bricks. Buckle up n’ head for the street. Check trailer to make sure it’ll clear the mail box – no trailer lights. Brake lights work but it’s 0’dark thirty – gotta have them driving lights! DAY’UM!(or however y’all spell it). Back it back in… too close to the fence… pull it out… cut wheel – back it in…. Too close to the house… pull it out…. Finally get it situated. Checked trailer wiring… looks good. Checked power at truck plug – none. DA’YUM. Pull kick panel on right side…. Tells me nothing. Get owners manual…. AHHHH Hahhhh…. Fuse F10 – 20amp trailer lights. Checked fuse F10 with test light – blown.
<O
></O>Lug old trolling motor battery back to trailer…. Get 20 amp fuse hook up test leads to either side hook’em to trailer connecton. Lights on trailer work - no blown fuse. Double DA’YUM. Break out multi-meter, set to Ohm mode… locate ground on 7 pin plug of a 7pin/4pin flat adapter. Go all tha’ way around the plug….. no continuity…. meaning no short… DA’YUM…. Oh…wait… there’s one lug left… the center one – for the reverse light. Test…DA’YUM….DA’YUM…DA’YUM… shorted. Been using this plug for going on 16 years and it chose this time 4:30 am on this date 10/13/2009 to show it’s azz. OK… my F150 has both a 7pin and a 4pin on the hook up. That problem is solved – chunk a jumper in the truck in case I need to back up.
<O
></O>I have more fuses than Auto Zone but – I don’t have any of those li’l SOB’s they use now. DA’YUM….. Don’t wanna risk driving to the local gas station(that locks it’s doors early in the morning and does business through a prison window). Think…. Think… think…. Ahhhh…. Check owners manual for a 20amp fuse connecting something I can do without…. After several “no’s” Ureka! One single function controlled by a 20amp fuse – the horn! Heck I’ll holler if I need to. Swap fuses… Check lights…. All is good…. Let’s get this show on the road! Time: 5:37am
<O
></O>Interstate 10 or I-10, I discovered, is under construction from my driveway to somewhere in Western Europe. No matter gotta do what I gotta do.
<O
></O>On the road haulin’ azz trying to make up for the lost hour diddlin’ with the lights. I’m running about 80mph closing fast on two tractor trailers following each other in the right hand lane. I will refer to them as Rig A and Rig B. Rig A appears to be doing 55mph. Rig B appears to be doing 55.1mph. As I close to within about 30’ of Rig B’s trailer… He decides he’s gonna pass Rig A. “Blink’ one half a blinker signal and he’s in my lane…. WHoaaaaa…
<O
></O>Question: How far does it take Rig B doing 55.1mph to pass Rig A doing 55mph? Correct answer: About 12 miles @ 55.1mph. Grrrrrr….
<O
></O>I endure and finally I see Rig B signal he’s moving back into the right hand lane. Timing is everything! Just as soon as I see the cab of Rig B begin to head to the right hand lane… Hammer down! Outta over drive and into passing gear…. Li’l 4.6v8 screeming. All right…. East bound n’ down… trucking like nobodies business now. Just as Rig B gets fully into the right lane – I’m there… but I ain’t gonna be there long – I’m haulin’ azz. Just as I get approximately ½ the way past the trailer of Rig B I see the orange sign…
“ROAD WORK NEXT 60 Miles.
Left Lane ends – 12 feet
<O
></O>Anti-locks hammerin’… trailer tires belchin’ blue smoke… I calmly swing in…. behind Rig A. As the sound of the anti-locks dissipates from the cabin and the cloud of blue smoke fades from sight in my rearview mirror…. I choose to use the time contemplating: Life in general…. What the parents that let their kids spend the night at Michael Jackson’s house were thinking and a slew of other things…. Had plenty of time ya’ know!
I’ve been on the road now about 2 hrs.
Question: How can the human body turn one cup of coffee into 3 cups of pizz in two hours?
<O
></O>I gotta go! Not only that but I ate a huge steak shortly before going to bed. Whatever the body couldn’t use wants out – NOW! I drive until I can’t. Take an exit I “thought” I knew. Wasn’t the right one. But it’d do. Pull into a Petro Fuel… Truck stop. Grab my travel mug… get half way to the door and remember I’d forgotten my wallet. Walked, as best I could considering the circumstances, back to the truck n’ grabbed the wallet. Locked the truck n’ headed back to the store…. By now nature ain’t callin’ it’s screeming. I barely hear the guy that passes by me say “Coffee is free!” I dash inside… quick glance… see no rest rooms…. They’re outside – I think. Scrambling outside I make a quick, though awkward trip around the outside – NO REST ROOMS. OK… now ya’ gotta understand…. By now I got pizz runnin’ down my leg. I got my azz seqinched up such that I could trim the ends off’a 5/8” Re-bar… I gotta go – NOW! Back inside…. OH! There they are. Do what needs doin’… grab free cup of coffee… back on the road. 2hrs n’ 3 cups later… stopping again.
<O
></O>Things you may not know about I-10: There is a 4 state association, Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama. They created a brochure titled “Welcome to I-10”. I will not verbatim the entire brochure but I will quote some of the more interesting topics.
<O
></O>Welcome to I-10
“… As you travel east on I-10 in the predawn hours we ask to note the absence of traffic – and the abundance of various: Police, Sherriff, and State Troopers strategically located on the shoulders, over hills, and behind trees – to name a few. Do not be concerned. These folks are here to protect you and… enrich their various cities, towns, municipalities’, counties and the state in which each is located.”
<O
As you continue to travel east you will be greeted with a simply awesome sunrise. One sure to amaze you and - cause horrific retina burns to both eyes.
<O
“We think driving should be fun!” And with that in mind we have placed concrete barriers along I-10 at various locations. These barriers are placed 6” or less from the 70mph travel lane. Sometimes we install them on both the inside and outside lane at the same time. If you have had the opportunity to experience these we’d love to hear from you – Weren’t they thrilling. We’ve received a overflowing response from many travelers especially those pulling boat and the various assorted trailers you see on the road these days. “
“Driving should not be boring!” We believe that with a passion! This is why we have decorated full length of I-10 with various and assorted Orange: cones, barrels, and signs. If you pay strict attention to the cone and barrel family soon you’ll begin to notice the many variations within each species. We have some cones and barrels with reflective tape – some without the tape. Some are placed along the side of I-10, some are in the middle of the road and some are place for no other reason than to brighten up what could be an otherwise dreary drive. AND….. these are not ordinary cones and barrels either. They are imported from exotic places such as China and Taiwan – Isn’t that exciting?
<O
This section would not be complete without mentioning the signs. If you’ve seen them didn’t you just love’em? Some signs are readable - some are not. Have you encountered our “Left lane ends – 12 feet” sign yet? If you have…. Weren’t you thrilled by the experience? That was developed by one of our senior engineers – He got an award and a few days off for that one. But he was topped in the category of “exciting signs” by our chief senior engineer(that’s why they pay him the big bucks!) He chose to end a lane with no sign at all! I ask you – How cool is that?”
<O
“After your journey east bound is complete – it’s time to head home. You will discover many opportunities to reverse direction on I-10 – except when you need to. As you are now traveling west bound on I-10 you will see many of the similar attraction as before but from a totally different direction! One thing you could not see while traveling east bound on I-10 early in the morning is the simply stunning sunset you will be afforded traveling west bound in the evening. One of the, and very likely last, dazzling solar displays you'll ever see is sure to stop you cold in your tracks - as you realize the sunset has just consumed the last functioning cells in both of your retinas!”
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