- Joined
- Jan 25, 2009
- Location
- Brainerd Minnesota
I thought I'd push the envelope a bit!!
> What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
> Juan on Juan
> What is a Yankee?
> The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
>
> What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
> The position of the dirt bag
>
> Why is divorce so expensive?
> Because it's worth it.
>
> What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
> Doughnuts
>
> Why is air a lot like sex?
> Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
>
> What do you call a smart blonde?
> A golden retriever.
>
> What do attorneys use for birth control?
> Their personalities.
>
> What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
> 10 years and 45 lbs
>
> What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
> 45 minutes
>
> What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
> Through his chest with a sharp knife
>
> Why do men want to marry virgins?
> They can't stand criticism.
>
> Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and
> good-looking?
> Because those men already have boyfriends.
>
> What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
> After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
>
> Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
> The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
> driving.
>
> Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
> Because they have cotton balls.
>
> What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
> A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
>
> What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
> 'Are you sure it's mine?'
>
> Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
> Mace will do that to you.
>
> Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
> Everyone has the same DNA.
>
> Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on
> Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
>
> Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
>
> Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
> A different bar.
>
> Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a
> blonde baby?
> They named him 'Sum Ting Wong'
>
> What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the
> other?
> A speech impediment
>
>What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
>A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage
along with... 'a recipe'.
>
> How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
> Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
> What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
fairytale?
>
> A northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time ..' -A southern fairytale
begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this s**t
> What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
> Juan on Juan
> What is a Yankee?
> The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
>
> What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
> The position of the dirt bag
>
> Why is divorce so expensive?
> Because it's worth it.
>
> What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
> Doughnuts
>
> Why is air a lot like sex?
> Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
>
> What do you call a smart blonde?
> A golden retriever.
>
> What do attorneys use for birth control?
> Their personalities.
>
> What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
> 10 years and 45 lbs
>
> What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
> 45 minutes
>
> What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
> Through his chest with a sharp knife
>
> Why do men want to marry virgins?
> They can't stand criticism.
>
> Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and
> good-looking?
> Because those men already have boyfriends.
>
> What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
> After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
>
> Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
> The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
> driving.
>
> Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
> Because they have cotton balls.
>
> What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
> A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
>
> What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
> 'Are you sure it's mine?'
>
> Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
> Mace will do that to you.
>
> Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
> Everyone has the same DNA.
>
> Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on
> Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
>
> Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
>
> Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
> A different bar.
>
> Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a
> blonde baby?
> They named him 'Sum Ting Wong'
>
> What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the
> other?
> A speech impediment
>
>What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
>A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage
along with... 'a recipe'.
>
> How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
> Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
> What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
fairytale?
>
> A northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time ..' -A southern fairytale
begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this s**t